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What Is Bullying

Oftentimes, its hard for parents to distinguish between the typical teenage social environment and that which has been contaminated by bullying. Kids can be mean. Friendships come and go. Conflicts flare up and sizzle out. But when anti-social behavior begins to overshadow the positivity of your child’s interaction amongst their peers, its time for you to take a much closer look. Bullying doesn’t just hurt, it kills. Left unaddressed, persistent anti-social behavior can take your child away from you. See our “When To Seek Help” page for advice on identifying the critical warning signs of teen depression.

There are some basic guidelines for distinguishing between bullying behavior and other forms of just “kids being kids.” Generally, bullying is a sustained onslaught of aggressive attacks launched against your child from one particular source. The source can either be from one person, or one social clique. The anti-social behavior can come in the form of verbal attacks, threats, graffiti, text messages, facebook posts or violence. It can also come in the form of rumors and excommunication. At its root, bullying is not just about being mean, its about power.

For boys, bullying tends to be physical and public. Name calling, threats of violence, pushing and shoving, property damage, books knocked out of hands etc. Male bullying also tends to be highly situational. Two boys can get along very well while playing on the same little league team, for example, but put them in the same gym class together, and one will seek to dominate the other. The bully is seeking social status.

For girls, bullying tends to be non-physical and clandestine. Rumor spreading, character defamation, excommunication and stolen friends are common examples. If left unaddressed, female bullying is prone to escalation, breaking out of its undercover profile and going very public. Girls seem to be much less inhibited to take cyber-bullying to the next level, with text messaging, facebook posts and chain emails getting downright evil.

For both boys and girls, bullying represents an infection. If left unaddressed, the bully gains confidence in their success and oftentimes increases their anti-social behavior. Furthermore, the longer the bullying goes undeterred, the more resistant the bully is to corrective measures.