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Responding To Drug Use

For parents, the realization that substance abuse has somehow infiltrated an otherwise loving and stable family, can be amongst the most devastating of revelations. There is nothing quite as leveling as watching a loved one unwittingly sacrifice themselves to a life of chemical dependence. The questions, the blame and the loss, can be overwhelming.

For the professionals charged with preventing or addressing substance abuse, there is nothing quite as humbling as watching a parent acknowledge their sudden impotence; watching them grasp futilely towards the control that they once had over the success and welfare of their beloved child. Suddenly, these parents find that their words have no authority, their consequences have no power, and their love has no influence over this innocent, yet defiant, young person. You can actually watch as the dreams these parents once had for their family well up in the corners of their eyes, pause for a desperate moment, and then trickle helplessly down the sides of their face.

But this poignant moment is only the beginning of their suffering. Once a young person has have given themselves over to addiction, it is unbearably difficult to coax them back towards reality. Most parents woefully underestimate this challenge. Even if they can be persuaded to submit to treatment, fully 90% of alcoholics and drug addicts will return to substance abuse later in life. (2)(3)(4) Regrettably, if you’ve just discovered that your teenage son or daughter has abused alcohol, tobacco or other drugs, you are probably much closer to this awful fate than you realize.

Until you live with an addict, your fears of substance abuse are probably encompassed by the two extremes of acute overdose or impaired driving. But for those who’ve seen addiction up close, the fear of sudden death is forestalled by the less dramatic, yet equally agonizing ‘downwards spiral’. The pain of seeing a child fail at college, watching them get sucked into abusive relationships, having them steal money from the family and neglect increasingly important obligations, can be unbearable. This saga isn’t over in one loud and bright moment. It drags on for years, often decades. It’s a debilitating, demoralizing process.

If you’ve just caught your child drinking or smoking, you need to be very careful. You might just throw away your best and last chance to save your child’s life.

Even more debilitating, however, is the knowledge that parents are not suddenly thrust into this horrible fate, as many of them tend to believe. When questioned, most of them admit to being aware of a subtle, but malignant, process that started years prior. Risk factors, warning signs, close calls and so on. All casually dismissed. Many parents make themselves naive partners in a defined chain of events that actually puts their own child on a crash course with addiction. Yet even in the face of catastrophic failure, some of us parents refuse to grasp our own role in the disasters that befall those closest to us; those who depended upon us. This facet is perhaps the most wearisome aspect of substance abuse prevention.

Why mention this here? Because if you’ve caught your son drinking or your daughter smoking, your instinct might be to avoid “over-reacting”. You might view it as a mistake, dismiss it as a phase, or overlook it as insignificant. You may simply have a brief sit-down with your child, and chalk it up to a ‘learning experience’. Worse yet, you might throw your arm around your teen and discuss things like “finding your limit,” or “keeping it a hobby.” We mention this here, because you might not see this incident as the epiphany that it is, and you might just throw away the last opportunity you have to save your child’s life.

If a teen has stomached enough liquor to get drunk, fought through their first few choking cigarettes or taken a hit of marijuana, they’ve made a striking decision that you need to swallow whole. They’ve decided that the law is not a deterrent, that their parent’s guidance is not influential, that their school lessons are not relevant and that their own health is not of great concern. They’ve cast all of these important factors aside in favor of recreational intoxication. This is not a naive mistake, and it is not an occurrence that can be wiped away by a twenty minute lecture and a week of grounding. The fact of the matter is that this was a choice, and it is emblematic of a faulty infrastructure. Many parents make the mistake of treating the facade, when its the foundation that’s crumbling.

Choose One:
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I Think They Might Be Doing Something
If you’ve picked up on some indications that your child is curious about substance abuse, or if you believe that you’ve caught them in the experimentation phase, there are some things that need to be done. This section will discuss what inferences you should draw, and what actions you should take. Click here for more…
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I Think We’ve Got A Problem
If your child has suffered some type of medical incident due to substance abuse, if they have experimented with more than one drug, if they have used alcohol or drugs on more than one occasion or if they are openly defiant towards your efforts to prevent substance abuse, you’re going to need professional help. This section will discuss your options in more detail. Click here for more…
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References:
2. Polich, J.M.; Armor, D.J.; and Braiker, H.B. Stability and change in drinking patterns. In: The Course of Alcoholism: Four Years After Treatment. New York: John Wiley & Sons, 1981. pp. 159-200.
3. Hunt, W.A.;Barnett, L.W.; and Branch, L.G. Relapse rates in addictions programs. Journal of Clinical Psychology 27:455-456, 1971.
4. Marlatt, G.A. & Gordon, J.R. Determinants of relapse: Implications of the maintenance of behavior change. In: Davidson, P.O., and Davidson, S.M., eds. Behavioral Medicine: Changing Health Lifestyle. New York: Brunner/Mazel, 1980. pp.410-452.